Bad mojo

I was leaving to run some errands today and as I was about to make an illegal U-turn on my little street, a guy steps out of his car and waved over to me, a middle-aged guy wearing a Jordan's Furniture jacket. I figure he's lost and needs direction so I roll down the window, and he asks for the time. 2:30 I tell him. Then he proceeds to tell me all about how he's spreading the word of Jesus -- no thanks, I tell him -- and he's a local guy, from Roslindale, and he just wants to say from Christian to Christian -- I'm not a Christian, buddy -- how Jesus only said to believe or something like that. I say "I have to drive now," and drive off, because I was entirely uninterested and, incidentally, blocking the street.

Now I figure that's what this guy does in his off-time: he walks around looking for people on the street and sells Jesus. Hey, if that's the kind of spiritual masturbation that gets you through the day, whatever. If he were genuinely interested in the message of Jesus, rather than just the Word, he'd be volunteering in a homeless shelter or teaching kids to read, or he could find some other productive use of his time. Unfortunately he's chosen to go around getting one of two results: a non-believer remains a non-believer, or a believer smiles and nods and remains a believer. I suppose it's possible he'd win a convert some day. Not only would I call that an extremely long shot, but anybody who is so mentally plastic that a random guy on the street wins them over simply is not worth the time to win over. So like I say, this is nothing more than spiritual masturbation, the only purpose of which is to make this guy feel better about himself.

My point? Stop wasting my time, proselytizer. I'm not a Christian and never will be. There is nothing you can say to win me over. Trust me: I've heard everything you have to say and I find nothing compelling in any of it. So just leave me alone and do your wanking in some other neighborhood.