Bringing You The Blog of Yesterday, Today!

This post was written in 2006. That means it is from the future. Along that theme, I have long felt that once we build a time machine and start abducting people from the past in order to learn about their life and times, I would do an excellent job of acclimating them to the modern world. Here are my many qualifications:

1. I am from the past myself. It's true! I was born in 1980, which is part of the previous century. Therefore, I can easily understand what they are going through, because I go through it every day.

2. I know a bit about history. If they are from Napoleonic Europe, I can tell them about the War of 1812, which was declared on dubious grounds (like the impressment of American sailors, which England had already stopped doing), and was extremely unpopular. Also, Canadians burned down the White House. I could tell them that if they didn't already know.

3. I could explain all about the modern miracles of science and technology. Cars and radios would seem like magic, but I could explain they are not. I like this because it would make me seem really smart if we got someone who was like a doctor or professor back in the past, but I would know a lot more than him. But I wouldn't be condescending about it, because they're just smart in ways we know aren't correct now. It's not their fault.

4. I don't like or understand pop culture. This is a good thing, because they wouldn't understand why basically anyone in People or Entertainment Weekly is actually famous since there's generally no evidence of talent or merit there. I'd be like "it's like with royalty, except these people aren't actually royalty." He'd ask "then why are they famous and admired?" and I would say "I have no idea." So we'd bond like that.

Those are just the big reasons. There are plenty others but I think that really I'm the obvious choice.