Fruit on the bottom, hope on top

Apparently it's official: Mitch Hedburg died of a drug overdose. Can't say I'm too surprised, and honestly I didn't much care if it was that or heart-related, as was also suspected -- he's dead either way, and the world's a bit less funny for it. The man was hilarious. If you've never heard of him, he was a comedian who told absurd non-sequiturs and one-liners. Some favorites of mine, from that same page:

• I went to a restaurant and I saw a guy wearing a leather jacket, eating a hamburger, drinking a glass of milk. I said, "Dude, you are a cow. The metamorphosis is complete. Don't fall asleep or I will tip you over."


• I went to a vending machine to get a candy bar, and the thing said 'HH,' so I pushed the 'H' button twice. Fuckin' potato chips came out, 'cause they had an 'HH' button, for Chrissake, I mean, you need to let me know! I am not familiar with the system of 'HH!' I did not learn my 'AA BB CC's. God God dammit dammit!


• One time a guy handed me a picture of himself, and he said, "Here's a picture of me when I was younger." Every picture of you is of when you were younger. "Here's a picture of me when I am older." "You son of a bitch, how'd you pull that off? Let me see that camera."


• I bought a doughnut and they gave me a receipt for the doughnut. I don't need a receipt for the doughnut. Man, I'll just give you money, then you give me the doughnut. End of transaction. We don't need to bring ink and paper into this. I just can't imagine a scenario where I would have to prove that I bought a doughnut. Some skeptical friend: "Don't even act like I didn't get that doughnut, I've got the documentation right here. Oh wait, it's at home, in the file... under D... for doughnut"